Saturday, March 29, 2014

Grief

It has been more than six month since I lost my beloved Tamara.

I think I am handling things fine, or just suppressing my motions real well. After all, what is crying and sulking going to do. So every day I put on a smily face and pretend I am not sad. Really, I have a lot to be grateful for. Lovely children, wonderful husband, a good home and the exciting project of a new one. I stand in front of God everyday with humility and gratitude. But oh so deep is the pain... 

I can't be alone with my thoughts I can't, every time I find my self alone the pain and sorrow find their way back to my mind. And so vividly I see her image again lying their in the hospital so close and so out of reach. Did she hear my voice? Did she feel my touch? Was any part of her still there? My prayers in her ears, my light touch so not to hurt her ... Did they matter ? I don't know maybe they helped me more than her. 

I can't write anymore.