Saturday, July 25, 2015

Is it good bye

Last night I dosed off for awhile on the couch in the living room befor going back to bed. In this hour I had an extremely vivid dream which had Tamara in it , something that has been happening to me quite often recently. At the end of the dream right before I woke up I was leaving with my husband and children to go , I am not sure now if it was on a trip or just to the beach house all I know is that we were leaving and we were going to stay away for a while. We were saying good bye to my parents and to Tamara then we went out the door. But I came back quickly to hug and kiss Tamara one last time and said to her "I wanna kiss you again cos you won't be here when we get back, you'll be dead" and my last thought in my dream was "what am thinking? she is already !" 
Then woke up confused and sad like I just heard the news. Confused cos I thought at least I got to say goodbye this time. Then sad cos I finally realized there is no this time she is gone and I don't get a second chance for a hug. 
But there was a flicker of hope that maybe my heart will mend soon. Or at least I hope so.