Time

Life.

We are born, time goes by; we change from babies to children. Time goes by; we become teenagers. More time goes by; and we are adults. Yes now we own the world. Now we are masters of ourselves. Yes we are in control of our lives. We head on with resolution. We march on with pride. We build universes. And one day we pose... We look around us and realise time has moved on and left us behind. 

Grief

It has been more than six month since I lost my beloved Tamara.

I think I am handling things fine, or just suppressing my motions real well. After all, what is crying and sulking going to do. So every day I put on a smily face and pretend I am not sad. Really, I have a lot to be grateful for. Lovely children, wonderful husband, a good home and the exciting project of a new one. I stand in front of God everyday with humility and gratitude. But oh so deep is the pain... 

I can't be alone with my thoughts I can't, every time I find my self alone the pain and sorrow find their way back to my mind. And so vividly I see her image again lying their in the hospital so close and so out of reach. Did she hear my voice? Did she feel my touch? Was any part of her still there? My prayers in her ears, my light touch so not to hurt her ... Did they matter ? I don't know maybe they helped me more than her. 

I can't write anymore.

One week

One week has passed making the difference between life and death. 

A week, what is a week in someone's life, but when in this week you've seen the last breaths leave the body of a loved one, then this week turned your life upside down. 

Tamara I lost you one week today. Everyday I still think about how I need to call you to share a thought, or a thing that happened with me. Somehow things don't feel whole without sharing them with you. 

My heart aches and breaks a thousand times a day when I think of my loss, and with you gone no one can make things seem easier anymore. 

I remember our last shopping trip. When I had to buy school wear for my girls, I remembered at the end when I was exhausted and felt like I can't take anymore, you looked at me and said: "this was a tough day for you" you said it with your lovely comforting smile, and immediately all was well again. 

Now I go through my days with no one to share things with, and no one to give me a comforting smile. 

Tamara not a day have passed without me wishing you could hear me again. They say heavens must have been better for you other wise God wouldn't have taken you. And I hope and believe you are in best of hands now. But I still wish you can hear me. ...

Imaginary blissful moments

In my children's playroom, in the soft afternoon glow, my children play together while I take a restful nap...

Embarrassed to say

I was sitting with my girls this evening as they were doing their homework, I usually do that it helps them stay on task, and Yasmeen started joking around so I joined in. Then Laila says: you are the coolest mum I know. And despite the fact that she knows very few mums, and that mostly a few minutes later when I send them off to bed she might say the exact opposite, I was pleased with the comments and very happy with my self... How silly can a parent be...

Smily face handbag

أبكي

أبكي

أبكي سعادة حلم لا يتحقق

أبكي أملاً طال 

أبكي ضحكة طفل خنقها هم الدنيا

أبكي حياة إنسان قتلها الفقر 

أبكي غد حكم عليه اليوم بالموت 

أبكي حنان ضاع في قسوة الدنيا

أبكي رحمة ضلت طريقها عن قلوب البشر

أبكي عدالة لا ترى النور إلا بعد ظلمة القبر

أبكي بشراً جعلوا الدنيا جحيمهم

أبكي حقاً غرق في زحمة الأكاذيب

أبكي قلباً أتعبه الزيف

و عقلاً أرهقه الهم  

أبكي وأبكي وأبكي 

فهل تجف يوماً دموعي